Doubt done

I remember when I doubted myself

And ready for defeat to face

As I became a hind runner

And slowly faded from the race.

As failure upon another I lost

Myself in darkness sinking away

I accepted to be last and forgot that

There’s One for me who always stay.

Then I was struck by realizing of sort

That plan B is never going to be enough

I am worth it, in myself believe

But no one said it isn't going to be tough.

So the road took a turn and I took a leap

Of faith and the struggle seemed tight

But again I know where my driving force

Originates; no ending in ever sight.

Words followed by heart and in that

Moments created new spirit without fear

Replaced by belief and never settling

This is what it’s all about.

Never will second be my place

I am the best at being me, I must

This is me, this is my hope

This is my God in whom I trust.

Recover

Outnumbered, out-powered and even alone
It feels as though life doesn't give me a chance
Every time I have hope, it's crushed by a stone
Knocked back and down into a trance.

Blow by blow, they just keep coming
Disappointment ends every day
Testing my heart, if it will keep running
And what will my mind decide to say.

Rough, rougher and even the roughest
Bring it on 'cause I know what you don't
My God is my strength and even the toughest
Challenge couldn't move my soul, it won't.

Shaken maybe but I am always unharmed
My God knows my road, he built it you see
There are some days I do panic alarmed
And again I find peace deep within me.

That's where God always give me strength
In the darkest of night and disastrous day
A fail on my side never dures in length
He calms me always, come what may.

My Savior guides me every step through
When I cannot see a glimpse of light
All I have is my faith in You
Then suddenly shining in glorious might.

You always know exactly how I feel
You know best in everything You do

So to You, my gracious God, I kneel
Now and always my praise to You.

Relationship Status Part II

When said and done all thoughts and prayers
The sun setting in the far west
And it is time to head upstairs
To lay our tired bodies rest.

The light is spent and I try to think blank
My heart slows down, my breathing too
But my thoughts speed up to fully crank
And all I can think about is you.

What should say then rather stay
My heart's guard fought too much pain
I will defend even see what may
My tears fall soft like troubled rain.

I find myself searching when I get
That wrongly placed attention fail
My desire misjudged and therefore met
Not even rumored to casting set sail.

The hurt echoes in my forgiving chest
Then I forget about missing you for a while

I know He thinks for me; only the best

And that is when I catch myself with a smile.

I look for God as he was never lost
But instead myself that wandered far
I will to be near Him at any giving cost
Find myself falling short of glorious par.

I keep putting my hope in people imperfect

Just to be let down like time and time again

When all I ever needed was with You connect

God first and later see what is planned then.

An everlasting truth descends upon me

So simple and we heard it many times freed

Truly trust and faith will conquer be

When God is all you have, you have all you need.

Verlore; verlede tyd

Vir 'n oomblik voel ek verlore. Vir 'n tyd al verlore. Ver van alles en almal af weg. Verlore. Vergete. Hulpeloos en dan oorval 'n angs van nutteloosheid my. Ek is bang. Alleen. Verlore. Ek word paniekbevange en weet nie wat dit gaan beter maak nie. Maar dan onthou ek...

my God

...het my nog nooit verlaat nie, nog nooit in die steek gelaat nie. My hart het altyd vrede by my God. Ek slaap rustig en bekommer verdwyn by my God. Angs word vervang deur blydskap en dankbaarheid. My God.

As my vrede by my God is, waar is ek dan dat ek verlore is? My pad na God is altyd oop... hoe is ek dan nie by God nie? Verlore as mens. Die pad gevat na 'n ander land. Maar daar is niks behalwe leë beloftes nie. Verlore.

Ek kan tog die pad kies. Terug na my God met eens! God gee my rus, vrede en oorvloed uit sy goedheid. Soos keer op keer tevore. Al draai ek weg, sal God bly staan. En wanneer hierdie mens besef hy stap verder van God af, omdraai en terugkruip, tel God die mens op, die verlore.

Nie meer nie, maar tuis by God. Waar God voorsien, sorg en vrede gee wil ek wees met my hele siel, hart en verstand. By my God. 

In God verlore. In God gevind.

Return Unopened

The cracking sound of your own

hands breaking through your chest
To give your heart to someone
That  asked  for it.

When all you thought you saw shown
Was a dream that's been put to rest
Wondering what wrong I've done

To deserve such a hit.

The longest or deepest cut comes from trust
And bleeds before amend
Remember to protect from sign

I will make this vow.

Our failures or disappointments do not define us
But how we deal with them
I will rise from this in due time

Let it hurt for now.

A simple conversation

When you least expect it, life happens in front of you

You feel like you ran at speed into a dead stone wall

You feel like you can’t get up or even know what to do

Sometimes it cuts deep…sometimes it’s a wakeup call.

Now, answered, my brain blasting with fear

Through my words I carried this burden to light

Terrified of losing the best friend I feel near

Beginning or end and either way it might.

Said heart thoughts not secret anymore

Waiting on response with beating nerve

Never expecting that you return with sure

Past hurt remind and keep us on reserve.

What happened next no words can ever say

As I sat looking at your beautiful face

Courage arose from a castle strong stay

Every sound I devoured at pace.

My mind completely went out of my being

I would never have believed myself if told

Frustration of waiting and not seeing

Was the cause of unforeseen action cold.

Time passed by as the night grew more

Talked away and from disaster came delight

Better than result I could not wish for

Ended again at the most beautiful sight.

A chance to get to know us in every side shown

To become even better friends than today

No haste, no threat but simply conversation grown

And then from there we’ll find our way.

ps.

I must admit that when we touch

My smile never able to hide or fade

The effect you have on me a much

Better person wanting made.